My journey

My journey

I wanted to share this I wrote because maybe you or someone you know has experienced something similar happen and it will help them.

Love Lise

Thank you for reading

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It was 2005

I was off to India at very short notice

I had loved all things Indian since I was little

Stepping on to that land felt so very familiar

I couldn't understand it

but my body knew this land

very well

I didn't know it then but this experience would be an Awakening

it would change my life in a sense

in the coming months

I barely slept when I was there

I was completely sober and ate vegetarian

and dressed in the local clothes

because I loved them so much

It felt like being home wearing these divine clothes

I couldn't sleep as my body was being awakened with past life memories

of having been on this land before

Many, many times

I even woke up one morning and dressed all in orange Indian clothes

and later found out that the Sadhu~ Indian Hindu Monks who renounce the worldly life

dressed like this

It made sense

I traveled the land

I felt scared a lot as a woman travelling solo

but actually I know in hindsight

it was that I was more scared of being awakened

than I was for my safety

For me everyday

being immersed in the Indian culture cracked me more and more wide open

After two weeks

and intense experiences

It was time to come home

It was so difficult to be back in New Zealand

India had amplified everything for me

all my sensors

my body

my intuitive senses

past lives

the whole lot

I was like a big bonfire had been lit inside of me and was raging out of control

I couldn't settle back in NZ

I needed to

my two girls needed me too

I would go to bed at night and be sweating with distress

I couldn't eat much

I got skinnier by the day

Until one night I had a dream

In that dream I was lying dead in a coffin

it was my funeral and everyone was looking in and saying good bye to me

I woke up that morning and somehow managed to get the girls to school

I got myself to a Doctor I had never met before

I had heard about her and knew she was a Holistic Doctor

I needed her not to hospitalise me and pump me full

of drugs

I knew I needed a holistic approach

Even though this was looking a lot like I had lost the plot

We sat in her office and I explained what was happening

She observed

It was then that I started to outwardly channel a deep male presence

The Doctor did not look alarmed

That helped me

as this presence that I was channeling was telling her what was going on and how I needed to be helped

She then sat with her legs crossed in her chair

and closed her eyes and took deep breaths as she listened

I would occasionally flick out of this channeling

and into my scare self

but she continued to listen

and as she did this

it gave me strength to drop back into the deep channeling once again

and tell her what I needed

This was an Awakening

I had been trying for years to keep this presence and my knowing quiet

But after being in India it was awakened

It wasn't until later that she told me I could have stayed like that

or I could have integrated it into who I am now

She said I need to eat loads of grounding foods

nuts, protein and sweet potatoes and try to get some sleep

I had no medication and I had to do this myself

Later that afternoon I went to the psychotherapist that she had put me onto

I walked there

and dressed myself in all white Indian clothing with my red top underneath

She took me through a gentle process

But once again in a way

Let me lead it

It was empowering

It was a sort of meditation

I saw myself choose my life that day

my body had wanted to check out with all the stress

and not being able to understand myself and what was happening with me

A part of me had wanted to die

it was all to much

I didn't know what was happening with me

It was frightening and overwhelming

What I saw

and what I chose was

a new life that would look quite different to my old one

I lead myself through the mediation with the psychotherapist

and saw my old life die away

and my red top disappear too

and my new life be shown to me in a spiritual vision

I guess that is why I wore the white clothing

like a wedding

A new beginning for myself

I knew when I saw the vision that I would be helping people with my psychic abilities

helping them with trauma

After I came out of the mediation she asked me if I could remember where I lived and walk myself home

this was the beginning of my new life

I was scared

and yet on some level I knew now

and all of this made sense

I had to eat those grounded foods

and be with this deep presence that would come through me

without scaring myself, my children, my friends and family and try and get some deep rest

Everyday my Doctor would come and visit

she went beyond the call of duty to over see me

Slowly I started to get better and integrate this new presence into my life

I went gently

I fed myself good food and trusted the process

To this day I feel so very lucky that this presence lead me to the most amazing Doctor

who knew what was happening and worked with me

instead of by the book

which may have seen me put in hospital and pumped full of drugs

and I could have missed the whole learning from this experience

and quite possibly had a whole lot of labels put on me

It was hell of a hard to go through this process on my own

I had many more dark nights of the Soul

As I saw many past lives and visions

and didn't sleep

But all I had was to keep trusting the process

More than anything

I wanted to be normal again

But that wasn't to be my life anymore

I was awakened

yet supported

and when I was fully integrated

I was to use these abilities to help others

So I did that

and I will continue to do it