I wanted to share this I wrote because maybe you or someone you know has experienced something similar happen and it will help them.
Love Lise
Thank you for reading
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It was 2005
I was off to India at very short notice
I had loved all things Indian since I was little
Stepping on to that land felt so very familiar
I couldn't understand it
but my body knew this land
very well
I didn't know it then but this experience would be an Awakening
it would change my life in a sense
in the coming months
I barely slept when I was there
I was completely sober and ate vegetarian
and dressed in the local clothes
because I loved them so much
It felt like being home wearing these divine clothes
I couldn't sleep as my body was being awakened with past life memories
of having been on this land before
Many, many times
I even woke up one morning and dressed all in orange Indian clothes
and later found out that the Sadhu~ Indian Hindu Monks who renounce the worldly life
dressed like this
It made sense
I traveled the land
I felt scared a lot as a woman travelling solo
but actually I know in hindsight
it was that I was more scared of being awakened
than I was for my safety
For me everyday
being immersed in the Indian culture cracked me more and more wide open
After two weeks
and intense experiences
It was time to come home
It was so difficult to be back in New Zealand
India had amplified everything for me
all my sensors
my body
my intuitive senses
past lives
the whole lot
I was like a big bonfire had been lit inside of me and was raging out of control
I couldn't settle back in NZ
I needed to
my two girls needed me too
I would go to bed at night and be sweating with distress
I couldn't eat much
I got skinnier by the day
Until one night I had a dream
In that dream I was lying dead in a coffin
it was my funeral and everyone was looking in and saying good bye to me
I woke up that morning and somehow managed to get the girls to school
I got myself to a Doctor I had never met before
I had heard about her and knew she was a Holistic Doctor
I needed her not to hospitalise me and pump me full
of drugs
I knew I needed a holistic approach
Even though this was looking a lot like I had lost the plot
We sat in her office and I explained what was happening
She observed
It was then that I started to outwardly channel a deep male presence
The Doctor did not look alarmed
That helped me
as this presence that I was channeling was telling her what was going on and how I needed to be helped
She then sat with her legs crossed in her chair
and closed her eyes and took deep breaths as she listened
I would occasionally flick out of this channeling
and into my scare self
but she continued to listen
and as she did this
it gave me strength to drop back into the deep channeling once again
and tell her what I needed
This was an Awakening
I had been trying for years to keep this presence and my knowing quiet
But after being in India it was awakened
It wasn't until later that she told me I could have stayed like that
or I could have integrated it into who I am now
She said I need to eat loads of grounding foods
nuts, protein and sweet potatoes and try to get some sleep
I had no medication and I had to do this myself
Later that afternoon I went to the psychotherapist that she had put me onto
I walked there
and dressed myself in all white Indian clothing with my red top underneath
She took me through a gentle process
But once again in a way
Let me lead it
It was empowering
It was a sort of meditation
I saw myself choose my life that day
my body had wanted to check out with all the stress
and not being able to understand myself and what was happening with me
A part of me had wanted to die
it was all to much
I didn't know what was happening with me
It was frightening and overwhelming
What I saw
and what I chose was
a new life that would look quite different to my old one
I lead myself through the mediation with the psychotherapist
and saw my old life die away
and my red top disappear too
and my new life be shown to me in a spiritual vision
I guess that is why I wore the white clothing
like a wedding
A new beginning for myself
I knew when I saw the vision that I would be helping people with my psychic abilities
helping them with trauma
After I came out of the mediation she asked me if I could remember where I lived and walk myself home
this was the beginning of my new life
I was scared
and yet on some level I knew now
and all of this made sense
I had to eat those grounded foods
and be with this deep presence that would come through me
without scaring myself, my children, my friends and family and try and get some deep rest
Everyday my Doctor would come and visit
she went beyond the call of duty to over see me
Slowly I started to get better and integrate this new presence into my life
I went gently
I fed myself good food and trusted the process
To this day I feel so very lucky that this presence lead me to the most amazing Doctor
who knew what was happening and worked with me
instead of by the book
which may have seen me put in hospital and pumped full of drugs
and I could have missed the whole learning from this experience
and quite possibly had a whole lot of labels put on me
It was hell of a hard to go through this process on my own
I had many more dark nights of the Soul
As I saw many past lives and visions
and didn't sleep
But all I had was to keep trusting the process
More than anything
I wanted to be normal again
But that wasn't to be my life anymore
I was awakened
yet supported
and when I was fully integrated
I was to use these abilities to help others
So I did that
and I will continue to do it
